Why don't people want to be on my blog?

I've had a bunch of great ideas for funny, politically aware, socially conscious, and ecologically friendly blog posts lately but I couldn't do them because I'm having trouble getting people to agree to be on my blog. It's been quite tiresome of late so I went to a professional to find out why people were hesitant to be on here. After minutes of studying the the problem and reading the crap I put on here Dr. Basil Boddy had this to say:
"The reasons people do not want to on this blog are many and varied, almost as many and varied as the drugs that Amy Winehouse has taken and the women that still refuse to make the beast with two backs with Robin Williams, almost but not quite. Some people agreed to be on here as long as we obscured their faces. They'll tell you why they don't want to be on your blog Dr. Monkey."

"Dude, I don't want to be on your blog because I don't have time. I'm in the middle of a fucking robbery right now, can you not see that? Maybe if I can find some time later I'll be on your blog. Okay? Oh, I nearly forgot, gimme all your cash and jewelery and then get on the floor and put your hands over your head."

"We don't want to be on your blog because we're gambling away the money from our church's bank account. Part of this money was earmarked for building a huge cross that would be bigger than the one those bastard Methodists down the block from our church put up last week and part of it was supposed to go to de-gaying the minister's son and wife. And besides we heard you're an atheist too and we figured if Jesus came back and saw us on your blog then he'd think we were atheists too and he'd smite us and make us spend eternity in some hellish place like New Jersey or Cleveland. Now go on and leave us alone."

"I don't want to be on this blog because you're a damn dirty liberal. Hey, do you know where I can score some coke? I'd really like to snort some off this gal's ninny pies, if you could make that happen then I might change my mind and agree to be on this blog with out this bar on my face. Well, jackass, can you make that happen? Can you make a middle age guy's dream come true? Can you?"

"I was on your blog once before and things went downhill for me ever since. All my tops got stolen and now I have to walk around with these god damned pasties on all the freakin' time. And someone stole all my slacks and my pubic hair as well. So all I have left is a pair of incredibly uncomfortable French cut panties and a greasy merkin. I'll probably lose those too now that I've been on your damn blog again. Thanks for nothin' monkey fart."

Well, okay then. Those appear to be some valid reasons. Carry on then.